BEDA

BEDA #15: Halfway through!

It just dawned on me that I’ve been doing BEDA (Blog Every Day in August) for half a month – has it been half a month already? No matter, I will go through with it until the end.

Today I’m going to talk about drive.

Drive can be a tricky thing, and it’s definitely a subjective matter to think about. I like men with drive and direction in life – be it to fly around the world, save the world from fascist scum (HAHA BOLO SANTOSI) or to bring food to people from all walks of life – it shows me that there’s aspiration and passion somewhere.

(Unless he’s that kind who would relentlessly step on and/or kill others to get what he wants, but that’s a separate issue.)

I have an uncle who once told me that I have drive, so much that it almost seems that I’ve taken the drive away from my younger brother (who, by the way, probably has more solid plans than I do). But what is it that seems to drive us to do certain things?

To put things simply, I believe that question can be answered in a single word: “Conflict”.

People tend to put their heart and soul into something because of another thing that either nags them to death inside or makes them highly uncomfortable or is just pure… wrong.

When I was younger I wanted to be a Power Ranger, specifically the Ninja Ranger. Up to now I think that the notion of fighting crime is still stuck with me – as shown from the type of genre I love writing. Writing came about only later, when I realized that writing allowed me to live lives that I probably would have no chance to live. So there’s one source of drive.

Another source of drive that I rarely hide would probably be Dance Central, I’m not going to lie about this, though sometimes I do wish that I could transfer some of the drive and “skills” here into other aspects of my life – like writing. Hee.

Now, this last source of drive is quite a paradox for me. It bugs me the most and yet I have amazingly little thought on what I should do about it – Social Problems – to make it more specific, social problems with gender equality, education and local creative talents (especially literary arts).

There are just so many things to do it’s almost paradoxical to the term of “drive and direction” because you just don’t know where to start. The only thing I could possibly do now without making things more disorganised is to start a plan, writing things down and all that.

To make things more unstable, drive wears out after a while, especially after negative comments and/or feedback. But at the end of it all, or when there’s some form of desired outcome, you get reminded on why you’re doing certain things.

Perhaps BEDA was a step and a way to keep myself writing and motivated in something.

Perhaps I have to remind myself not to be a good starter but horrible finisher.

Perhaps the first step I have to make with all this drive is to be driven to clear my cupboard.

Just saying.

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